How to Kiss
Body Language - Kissing - Part 3

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So we have been talking about why we kiss and described some types of kiss and their meaning, but what about the actual technique? How to kiss the right way?

You're right, it's time to address the more 'technical' problems we might have when it comes to kissing. In this final part we will focus on some practical kissing tips you can implement right away!

While it's not something overly complicated or difficult, it still can be stressful and uncomfortable, as if it's some kind of test that needs to be passed.

If you feel that way, worry not my friend, because:

A. Getting nervous and excited before a kiss (especially if it's your first) is only our natural response, our body automatically releases adrenaline to stimulate us. Without some excitement it just wouldn't be that fun, right?

B. To become a really good kisser you need to be sensitive and adaptive. Meaning, you want to let the sensation from the kiss guide to what is right. The best way to achieve this is by staying (relatively) calm and react accordingly to your partner's actions. All you need is some confidence and a lightweight attitude.

kissing on the beach

Set the right atmosphere

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These are the most important things to remember about how to kiss well, the rest comes from experience. But, to get this process even smoother, we will go through some crisp and important kissing tips that will help us prepare mentally. Let's start with:

Prep Work

Before we actually get to the kiss itself, let's make sure we're ready. What's ready means?

1. Relax and Keep it Simple. If there's one thing that I want you to remember about kissing - this is it. Don't over think it. Thinking is bad, reacting is good.  Even if you're clueless and this is your first kiss, it's better to go with the flow rather than to wonder if you're making mistakes.

Everyone make mistakes, thinking about them during the action can only cause you to make more of them. Why? because our mind can focus on a single task at any given point (excepts the things we do subconsciously of course), so it's better to focus on your sensations from the kiss rather than on your performance, right?

With time, experience and some tips you can get to be the best kisser. But what's the point of trying if you're not enjoying it, right? Just keep it simple and have fun.

Focus on your sensations and enjoy it

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2. Your mouth should be an hospitable environment. If there's a chance that guests will come by, you want to make sure everything is in place and smells good right?

This means that if you're on a date, and you know there's a chance for a kiss, avoid spicy and smelly foods like cheese, garlic, onions and fish. Or, you can save and use some mint refresher (or gum, just don't forget to spit it!).

Another thing is excess saliva. When we're sexually aroused we often generate extra saliva in our mouths, it's like we're preparing to taste something really good (hence - lips licking). But you don't actually want to kiss someone with overly watery mouth because it gets very sloppy. So take a moment and swallow before you dive in for the kiss.

And of course, if you have chapped lips, you may want to use a chapstick, for obvious reasons.

3. Set the right atmosphere. If you think the time is right (see below) deliver with YOUR body language that you're preparing for a kiss. Maybe your date is into you, and maybe they're not, but in order to discover that you need to send nonverbal signals and watch the feedback you're receiving.

This means:

  • Creating eye contact and maintaining it, you want to focus on the triangle between both eyes and lips. Looking at the lips area is one of the strongest signs that you mean to go for the kiss.

  • Keep your lips parted and soft. Clamped or puckered lips show closed or evaluative attitude.

  • Keep your body loose and open. Ever tried to kiss someone with his arms folded?

  • Let the conversation subside to a minimum. You can't just go for it if both of you just keep on blabbering.

kiss her everywhere

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How to know if the time is right?

OK, so we're all set. How can we tell if our date is ready for the kiss too?

First of all, if you're a guy, you probably will be the one who needs to initiate it. It doesn't mean that girls cannot initiate kisses (this can actually show a lot of attitude and save the guy a lot of stress), but it's one of those things that expected from the role of the man.

So what are the signs? very similar to the signals you send if you're ready:

1. Lips are slightly parted. Not clamped or swallowed.

2. She keeps eye contact.

3. Her body is loose and facing you.

4. She looks a little nervous and detached, like as if her mind is not really in the conversation, but in preparation for what's about to happen (hopefully).

The Kiss

How to kiss - The move itself, very simple:

Note: Give a little smile before you actually go for the kiss, it helps reducing the stress and sets a positive and light atmosphere.

Try it upside down

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1. Tilt your head to the side (most people tilt to the right)

 2. Touch softly with the lips. If it's your first kiss as a date, don't rush straight for the tongue kiss, test the waters first, enjoy the moment.

To make the kiss more passionate and enjoyable, vary the speed and rhythm of the kiss. You are also welcome to tilt your to the other side and enjoy kissing from a different angle. The keyword here is - diversification.

What you probably want to avoid:

1. Hesitation. I know, it can be stressful, but the longer you hesitate the more awkward it can get.

2. Opening your eyes during the kiss. Not many things are scarier than finding your date staring at you while you kiss, it's just plain too weird.

3. Kiss with puckered lips. It's just doesn't work. It shows stressed attitude, as if someone makes you do the kiss.

Fish lips kissing

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4. Fish lips. great for funny faces, not so for romance.

5. Bumping with teeth. It happens, especially if it's a very spontaneous and passionate kiss, but do try to avoid such accidents.

6. Lack of air. Don't forget to breath! Yeah it's intense and fun. But breathing steadily and calmly is vital for your health. If you can't seem to manage, just take a little break, it's OK, it only shows you're very passionate about it. What leads me to...

7. Don't be afraid to take breaks. Really, unless you're trying to break the Guinness record for the longest kiss (note: 58 hours and 35 min! think about doing it without sleeping for more that 2 whole days. talking about the power of love huh?) taking breaks works very well for you. It gives you a moment to readjust, and perhaps stare deeply into your partner's eyes and just feel lucky.

8. Smacking of the lips. This happens when you have too much saliva, everything just gets wet and your lips start to make sounds. Again, stop for a moment, swallow, and continue in your own pleasure.

The Tongue Kiss

How to kiss the French way? Easy..

The best way to get to French kissing is by starting slowly from the regular kiss.

Once your lips are 'locked' together, use the tip of your tongue to brush lightly the lips of your partner and enter their mouth. If they get the message and want to participate you'll get the reciprocal tongue.

From that point, intertwine the tongues and play with the intensity as you will, but try to keep it balanced: don't be the 'too much tongue' person by moving it like a windmill inside their mouth, and don't be too limp with it either - a lying piece of meat inside the mouth isn't passionate nor stimulating.

Try neck kissing

Spice Things Up

How to kiss with passion?

As I mentioned above, one of the things that makes a kiss good is diversification. So even if you've done it a thousand times before with your boy\girlfriend, try to add something new. You can try:

1. Kissing other spots. Try kissing the neck, and perhaps leaving 'love bites' (be sure they like the idea of this mark).You can also try kissing the face, or kissing and biting the ear lobe (very sexy!). Just be gentle, ok?

2. Include biting in your repertoire, it makes a kiss more spicy and lustful, as if you actually taste your partner. Nibble softly the lower lips of your partner and pull back with your teeth. Use this technique as an intermission, not the main action.

3. Don't forget to use your hands. Move them about your partner's neck, head and body. Needless to say that the amount of touching, and where it's allowed, depends on the level of intimacy between the kissers, but don't neglect this great opportunity to advance things further.

Time to wrap things up

Phew, let's take a break from all of this wet action and try to conclude what've learned in this series:

1. Kissing is something fun, healthy and stimulating that most of us enjoy.

2. The study of kissing is called Philematology. Researchers believe that we started to kiss from mouth feeding, and\or as a biological match-finding test.

3. Even so, kissing is not as popular or widespread as we might believe, and there are places in the world where it can get us into trouble if we attempt it in public.

4. Not all kisses are romantic, and there is a connection between where you kiss and the connotation of the gesture.

5. We talked about how to kiss and how to identify 'that moment'. The main thing is to remember to enjoy it and to keep it simple. Don't be afraid to make mistakes.

That's it folks, I hope you enjoyed the series, and as always you are welcome to contact me about any questions or suggestion you have.

I also recommend reading about Kino Escalation - the progression of physical intimacy

Body Language Kissing - Part 1

Body Language Kissing - Part 2

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